Me, Myself and My Id

me: This project makes me want to eat my own head, as my friend Amy would say. I want to reply, "aaaaahhhhhhh!" to this question.
coworker: That's why you can't let the id speak.

Winter Comfort

Jane Kenyon's poems on despair
tom kha tofu, spicy and steaming
Mary Oliver's poems of joy
bare purple branches of a bush
afternoon naps
"Antilamentation" by Dorianne Laux
Motown music
one red cardinal
yes when no was expected
strange strains of lilting Finnish music
misty rain
Ani DiFranco
snuggling my cat
I'd be lying if I didn't say chocolate
and whiskey
dancing alone in an empty house
singing in the car
a Democratic Senate and House of Representatives
shocking drama of Northwestern light

Prague

I did it! Bought a ticket to Prague for March 2007. I have around 10 days in Eastern Europe. My college friend David lives in Brno, Czech Republic. I haven't seen David in over 10 years (that sentence makes me feel old). We will probably spend a few days together and I will probably spend a few days venturing out on my own. David suggested Vienna. I am also considering Budapest and other possibilities. Suggestions are welcome!

Seattle Snow Nocturne

2:00 invested in future adventures (Prague)
4:30 hail rattled the roof
5:00 snow accumulated; evening plans shifted
5:20 vanpoolers gathered in the lobby
5:40 parking lot traffic jam
left bags; walked toward dinner
listened to our feet; smiled and squinted at the sky
snowballs, laughter, breath
greetings, green tea, shed layers
conversation, companionship
tofu rolls in spicy tomato sauce
sharing, insults, awkwardness
bundled again
revisted adolesence, more snowball fights
put chains on van
hit the road
ah, heat
cement?
loud noise, vibration
arguments over how fast was safe in chains
backseat driving, laughter
I-5 south, Swift-Albro
deafening noise
van on shoulder
blown tire? no
foggy van windows; what's going on?
metal bent to almost touching tire
State Trooper!
removed chains
close to home; gunna make it?
horrible grinding noise
leeaanned to the left
made it to the van's spot
call if you need to, scraped cars, loaned scraper
traffic on Rainier South
Smoky Robinson sang in the car
cars blocking Renton Avenue
Honda Civic passed them in the left lane
called Mom: you can stop worrying, now
Home.

Obligatory New Year Ruminations

It would seem it is time for ONYR. However, I haven't done much thinking on the new year, and I have ambivalent feelings about posting personal information. Poetry is personal, but somehow I have become comfortable with sharing it. I guess because I believe (on good days) it has value and its own little life that can be nurtured, apart from me, my fears and my ambitions. It's funny, I enjoy reading the "class notes" from my college classmates, but I have never written in. Although I enjoy reading them, I can't imagine anyone is interested in what I'm doing. And no one ever writes in when they're depressed or unemployed or breaking up with their partner. Although I have a few things to brag about, I'm not really comfortable writing the typical class note: Hi everyone! My husband, Joe Perfect (class of 95) and I are pleased to announce the birth of our first child: Angel Charmed-Life. Joe just received his PhD and has been nominated for the Nobel Prize. My second book was published to rave reviews. Next year we are moving overseas and will spend 2007 de-worming orphans in Somalia.

Oh, bless the Liberals and the liberal-arts majors. I may sound bitter, but it's that edge that gives me my je ne se quois (when you figure out what it is, let me know). Not that I feel pessimistic about 2007. I don't. I feel rather positive. 2006 was good to me. I guess I just need to put my ambivalence on the page...er, in the form.

ONYR: I enjoy my living situation. I have two wonderful roommates. It's not always easy to live together, but I often feel lucky to have them in my life. My car was stolen last January, but I got it back 4 days later, with relatively little damage, considering. I have a good job, with people who appreciate me, and work that challenges me. Both my parents are doing well and live within 20 miles from me. I have money saved and feel comfortable financially. I am learning to treat myself and treat myself better. I have community, groups of people I enjoy and who seem to enjoy me: poetry, chorus, vanpool, work. I am dating a nice man who makes me feel good. I've had some modest success with poetry. My cat is healthy, and so am I. I feel strong. I'm working out again (although not lately). I did something new and worked with a personal trainer, gained strength and energy. I have friends I don't get to see much anymore as they live in Ohio and other places; this is disappointing, but they are still a bright spot in my life. And (drumroll, please)...I went to Ireland for 3 weeks and had a fabulous time. I feel stronger and braver for the experience. And I have been inspired--I am going to the Czech Repulic in 2007! I am making it happen. So life is good.

I still feel lonely in groups of people sometimes, and content to be alone sometimes. I still have many unfulfilled desires, crabbiness, boredom, experience monotony, yearn for change, fear change, feel angry, can't let go, feel sad, make mistakes, forget to be kind, eventually get sick of the rain and fed up with winter (usually in January), complain (see above), give up, fall short of my expectations, hurt others, continue bad habits. I guess I am human.