Me, Myself and My Id

me: This project makes me want to eat my own head, as my friend Amy would say. I want to reply, "aaaaahhhhhhh!" to this question.
coworker: That's why you can't let the id speak.

Winter Comfort

Jane Kenyon's poems on despair
tom kha tofu, spicy and steaming
Mary Oliver's poems of joy
bare purple branches of a bush
afternoon naps
"Antilamentation" by Dorianne Laux
Motown music
one red cardinal
yes when no was expected
strange strains of lilting Finnish music
misty rain
Ani DiFranco
snuggling my cat
I'd be lying if I didn't say chocolate
and whiskey
dancing alone in an empty house
singing in the car
a Democratic Senate and House of Representatives
shocking drama of Northwestern light

Prague

I did it! Bought a ticket to Prague for March 2007. I have around 10 days in Eastern Europe. My college friend David lives in Brno, Czech Republic. I haven't seen David in over 10 years (that sentence makes me feel old). We will probably spend a few days together and I will probably spend a few days venturing out on my own. David suggested Vienna. I am also considering Budapest and other possibilities. Suggestions are welcome!

Seattle Snow Nocturne

2:00 invested in future adventures (Prague)
4:30 hail rattled the roof
5:00 snow accumulated; evening plans shifted
5:20 vanpoolers gathered in the lobby
5:40 parking lot traffic jam
left bags; walked toward dinner
listened to our feet; smiled and squinted at the sky
snowballs, laughter, breath
greetings, green tea, shed layers
conversation, companionship
tofu rolls in spicy tomato sauce
sharing, insults, awkwardness
bundled again
revisted adolesence, more snowball fights
put chains on van
hit the road
ah, heat
cement?
loud noise, vibration
arguments over how fast was safe in chains
backseat driving, laughter
I-5 south, Swift-Albro
deafening noise
van on shoulder
blown tire? no
foggy van windows; what's going on?
metal bent to almost touching tire
State Trooper!
removed chains
close to home; gunna make it?
horrible grinding noise
leeaanned to the left
made it to the van's spot
call if you need to, scraped cars, loaned scraper
traffic on Rainier South
Smoky Robinson sang in the car
cars blocking Renton Avenue
Honda Civic passed them in the left lane
called Mom: you can stop worrying, now
Home.

Obligatory New Year Ruminations

It would seem it is time for ONYR. However, I haven't done much thinking on the new year, and I have ambivalent feelings about posting personal information. Poetry is personal, but somehow I have become comfortable with sharing it. I guess because I believe (on good days) it has value and its own little life that can be nurtured, apart from me, my fears and my ambitions. It's funny, I enjoy reading the "class notes" from my college classmates, but I have never written in. Although I enjoy reading them, I can't imagine anyone is interested in what I'm doing. And no one ever writes in when they're depressed or unemployed or breaking up with their partner. Although I have a few things to brag about, I'm not really comfortable writing the typical class note: Hi everyone! My husband, Joe Perfect (class of 95) and I are pleased to announce the birth of our first child: Angel Charmed-Life. Joe just received his PhD and has been nominated for the Nobel Prize. My second book was published to rave reviews. Next year we are moving overseas and will spend 2007 de-worming orphans in Somalia.

Oh, bless the Liberals and the liberal-arts majors. I may sound bitter, but it's that edge that gives me my je ne se quois (when you figure out what it is, let me know). Not that I feel pessimistic about 2007. I don't. I feel rather positive. 2006 was good to me. I guess I just need to put my ambivalence on the page...er, in the form.

ONYR: I enjoy my living situation. I have two wonderful roommates. It's not always easy to live together, but I often feel lucky to have them in my life. My car was stolen last January, but I got it back 4 days later, with relatively little damage, considering. I have a good job, with people who appreciate me, and work that challenges me. Both my parents are doing well and live within 20 miles from me. I have money saved and feel comfortable financially. I am learning to treat myself and treat myself better. I have community, groups of people I enjoy and who seem to enjoy me: poetry, chorus, vanpool, work. I am dating a nice man who makes me feel good. I've had some modest success with poetry. My cat is healthy, and so am I. I feel strong. I'm working out again (although not lately). I did something new and worked with a personal trainer, gained strength and energy. I have friends I don't get to see much anymore as they live in Ohio and other places; this is disappointing, but they are still a bright spot in my life. And (drumroll, please)...I went to Ireland for 3 weeks and had a fabulous time. I feel stronger and braver for the experience. And I have been inspired--I am going to the Czech Repulic in 2007! I am making it happen. So life is good.

I still feel lonely in groups of people sometimes, and content to be alone sometimes. I still have many unfulfilled desires, crabbiness, boredom, experience monotony, yearn for change, fear change, feel angry, can't let go, feel sad, make mistakes, forget to be kind, eventually get sick of the rain and fed up with winter (usually in January), complain (see above), give up, fall short of my expectations, hurt others, continue bad habits. I guess I am human.

Kitty Angst

I want to write, but I don't know what. I want to be, but I don't know how. Kitty angst is my term for that restless wanting that seems to have no source or cure. Or, put another way, it's when the cat has been pet, fed, watered, let in, let out, let in, let out, and still the meowing continues. Sometimes I get kitty angst. I am going to try and not reflect too much on the purpose of this post (or, for that matter, this blog) and just write. I felt a definite urge to write today, not to create, but just write, document. I think that is a good thing. I haven't been writing much lately, and this urge was removed from a focus on product. I was watching the starlings in the bare tree top, against the backdrop of a dark grey cloud, listening to them chatter, and I wanted to pick up my pen and write longhand in my notebook with red cover. Dive for cover. Cover me. I am censoring a little, self-editing. I love the backspace key. I just realized I had a little (very little) present I forgot to give my mom. I was thinking I'd go into work tomorrow, catch the van at 7:30 and actually go into the office. But then I thought again and couldn't really think of a good reason to go into the office when I could work from home. Next week normality, or something like it, will resume. People will be back to work in the office, including my boss and my friend David, and I will go in and work from my desk instead of home from my bed. For now, I guess I will retire to bed, hopefully to sleep, to lose myself in dark sleep and maybe vivid dreams.

Wallowing isn't all bad...

I'm in my bedroom with the heat on and the door closed. I'm listening to Natalie Merchant's Tigerlilly, an album I played over and over during a sad time, early 2002. I am still luxuriating in having heat after 36 hours of none. When our power goes out, we can't heat the house, shower, or cook. That made for an uncomfortable 36 hours, but many people around Puget Sound still don't have power 5 days after the big storm, so I feel lucky. The houses across the street still don't have power. I have survivor's guilt.

I slept restlessly Thursday night, listening to the wind try to tear its way into our house. Around 1 or 2 am, when we lost power, I looked out the livingroom window and saw the evergreen tree across the street undulating impossibly. I also saw shapes in the yard that looked as if they had once, very recently, been part of our roof. Holy crap. In the morning, Tamar came down the stairs saying, "Someone's roof is in our yard, and I'm hoping it's the neighbor's." "Umm...sorry." Alicia, though, slept through the entire storm; she was really tired.

I came home on Saturday afternoon after running errands (and charging my cell phone while I ate tom kah in a restaurant). Tamar was sitting on the front porch, bundled up and looking glum. I began talking to her and stopped, gasped, and pointed. "I can't look," she said. Then, "is it still on?" It--the porch light, was. I ran into the house to put my ear by the heater. What a lovely sound! Ran back outside to hoot n holler and hug Tamar, who was still afraid to believe. Once she accepted the good news, she saw it like this: I came home and power was restored. I was the reincarnation of Nikola Tesla.

Reduced to Googling Insomnia

It's 2 am and I can't sleep. My back hurts, though I went to the gym yesterday, which usually helps with sleep and back pain. My roommate, A, got home from work awhile ago. She watches tv in the living room. T sleeps upstairs. She will be up early, as is her routine. I often lie in bed and try to get back to sleep. Conventional wisdom (or some kind of advice, anyway) says to get up for awhile. Two in the morning here, 5 am in Columbus, Ohio, 10 am in Ireland, 11 am in the Czech Republic. I am learning so many things related and unrelated to imsomnia! I started to erase the spelling mistake and fix it, but then I found it apt, so I left it. Let's see if we can quiet the internal editor. Caffeine is a stimulant (and a favorite drug of mine; everyone needs a couple vices) and can be related to insomnia. Alcohol, a depressant, can also be related to insomnia, due to disruption of REM sleep and polyuria. Insomnia can result from depression, and from anti-depressants (Wikipedia says they can "alter sleep architecture. "Sleep architecture" is a cool phrase. I want to use it in something.) Dehydration can cause aches and irritation, which can, in turn, lead to sleeplessness. Apparently, drinking 1-2 cups of water can cause sleepiness within an hour or two. It can also cause wakiness within an hour or two (probably just as one is dropping off) and "polyuria". Are you sensing a theme? Many things--and their opposites--can lead to insomnia.

Signs, Portents, and the Wall Street Journal

Just as my dream of living in Ireland was fading, there was a news blurb in my inbox: Ireland looks to U.S. for skilled workers. Is it a sign? (Am I a skilled worker?)


People on the bus last night were smellier and crazier than usual. (That's unrelated to the above topic...or is it?)

On the ground & showered, part 2

I'm home. It's good to be home, to see friends and family again, to sleep in my own bed, snuggle my cat. It's good not to be a woman in a suitcase anymore, and to use sinks with married faucets. But I had a grand time and was sad to leave. Hopefully, I will be back again soon.

Dingle

A river flows through it...





Arrived in Dingle on Friday. I leave tomorrow, Monday, for Shannon. Tuesday, I fly home from Shannon airport.

Friday I walked along the harbor. The weather and views were lovely. Saw the little tour boats out looking for Fungie, the local celebrity (a friendly wild bottlenose dolphin). Then I saw Fungie, too! No high jumps, but definitely his fin.

Saturday I biked the Dingle Peninsula, on the Slea Head Drive. Approximately 47 km--that's 30 miles! I was actually hobbling when I got back to Dingle; a muscle in my right leg kept spasming. After stretching, a hot shower, and a nap, I felt much better.

I met some great people; I will write more and upload more pictures when I get home.

A river flowed over the road. See my bike parked on the side?

The cuteness of this picture is self-evident.

I took shelter in this beehive hut (clochan, in Irish) while it rained.
As I sat there, hunkered over my sandwich, I had time to contemplate what it would have been like to live in one. First thing I would do it get some small stones to plug up the holes in the roof. I'm sure these holes didn't exist when people lived there, though--they were obviously great builders. The stones were placed, without mortar, at an angle to funnel the rain off the building. The structure narrowed at the top (like a beehive), and across the top they placed large slabs to complete the roof. I found myself wondering, though, if they had fires inside the hut and how they dealt with the smoke.

Tralee, tra-la

It has been pouring for days. I've reached my saturation point. I don't mind a little soft weather, but this is ridiculous! Oh well. As they say, it never rains in a pub (which is where I'm headed next).

Cahersiveen

Today is 20 September and I am in Cahersiveen, Co. Kerry. It is raining. Pray for good weather tomorrow for me, as I really want to go to Skellig Michael. Too turbulent today.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It is really good to read the comments from everyone. My birthday was uneventful...except for the fact that I'm in Ireland!!!!!!

I can't believe I only have 5 days or so left of my trip...

I guess there is a hurricane nearby, and this dreadful weather is the tail end of it. So no Skellig Micheal for me. People say I can go when I come back, but I'm afraid I will never be back! I think, though, after this trip I am more likely to return to Ireland and, hopefully, travel elsewhere as well.

On Wednesday I went to the Barracks, where the Royal Irish Constabulary used to be stationed. Now it is a funky museum of local and national history. Funky, but I enjoyed it. Met a man who said he was the cousin of Michael Collins! It seems kind of extraordinary, but I believe him. Later that day I walked to a stone fort. Really cool. Well preserved, too. There was another fort nearby, and a ruined castle, but I had reached my saturation point and decided to head back on the long walk to my B&B. A woman stopped and asked if I wanted a lift--Hallelujah!

There was a lovely sunset and I relaxed in the sunroom of the B&B, with their cat on my lap. Later I ventured out to a pub and had a long conversation with two old codgers.

Kinsale

Ate Thai food--man, have I missed Thai food! Had a big plate of veggies, which I've been craving for days! Getting a little tired of pub grub.

Walked to Charles Fort on a road/path they call the Scilly Walk...well, you can imagine the joke I wanted to make, but kid at the TI (tourist information centre) had never seen Monty Python, so it would have been lost on him. No, I didn't do the Silly Walk on the Scilly Walk, as there would have been no one there to laugh but me (and I notice I am already prone to talking to myself on long walks on country roads), and, more importantly, I needed to conserve my energy for another long day on my feet. Silly Walks are not very energy-efficient.

As we say in the textbook industry...TK

Waterford

Solid working-class town. Not especially pretty, but real. Much hillier here than Galway! Walked to and from the Waterford Crystal factory. Skeleton crew on Sunday, but it was still cool. Then there was the extensive "gallery" and gift shop--man, they must really rake it in!

Cashel (Temporarily in Tipperary)

This is a placeholder for the wonderful comments and pics to come (ha ha)...

Toured the Rock of Cashel.

Unfortunately, I lost my notebook where I had been keeping all my notes about experiences, feelings, and people. You can imagine my distress. I still hope to recover it somehow, but I have started another one, anyway. Boo.

Dublin

I will return to write notes on my travels later. Right now I am trying to upload (takes awhile) before I catch a bus to Cashel at 18:00.

Dublin is much more cosmopolitan than I remember it being 10 years ago. Really feels like a big city. I saw the Book of Kells! Woah. And Killmainham Gaol (jail), where many political prisoners were held. The Newgrange Tomb at Bru na Boinne (pics above) was amazing.

Belfast

Belfast was a center of linen weaving--check out the old loom!

Botanic Gardens
The so-called "Peace Wall" (in the background) that separates the Catholic/Nationalist/Republican neighborhood from the Protestant/Unionist/Loyalist neighborhood where they are close together. The wall (basically a barricade) closed in the evening and re-opens in the morning. It also "closes" on weekends and bank holidays.

I think it's funny these pictures turned out so blue, as I was also feeling blue. Obviously, I'm far from an expert user of this camera...but I'm too busy to learn more than a little bit at a time. I'm grateful for its lend, and, overall, I think the pictures are turning out fine.

Giant's Causeway & Bushmills Whiskey Distillery

Ok, I admit it--I toured the distillery before I went to the Causeway! In the pic, I am holding my "certificate" of official whiskey-taster qualifications (I was quick to volunteer to be one of two tasters; everyone got a complimentary drink, though).

Derry/Londonderry

I arrived in Derry yesterday afternoon. I like Derry a lot. Very interesting town, with interesting history. Unfortunately, the Tower Museum is closed on Mondays after September. Some convenient bus services also stop running in August. Oh well. I am going to attempt to see the Giant's Causeway tomorrow and then travel to Belfast. After Belfast, Dublin. I don't seem to be able to upload photos here, so I will also do that later.